Michael Molinsky's Personal Website (Under New Management)

Michael Molinsky has been polluting the Internet with his inane ramblings for quite a few years now, and is currently making an attempt at redesigning his pathetic little website. While you await for the grand opening, enjoy the following plagarized recommendations:


You know, the thing about Michael Molinsky... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he tries to teach you mathematics, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah, then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'.

- Quint, Captain of the Orca


The old grey math teacher Michael Molinsky stands by himself in a thistly corner of the campus, his feet well apart, his head on one side, and thinks about things. Sometimes he thinks sadly to himself, "Why?" and sometimes he thinks, "Wherefore?" and sometimes he thinks, "Inasmuch as which?" and sometimes he doesn't quite know what he is thinking about.

- A.A. Milne, Bear Expert


There is no scorn more profound, or on the whole more justifiable, than that which I feel toward Michael Molinsky. His work is that of a second-rate mind.

- G. H. Hardy, Apologist


Michael Molinsky is the Napoleon of crime. He is the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. He is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker. He has a brain of the first order. He sits motionless, like a spider in the center of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them. He does little himself. He only plans. But his agents are numerous and splendidly organized. Is there a crime to be done, a paper to be abstracted, we will say, a house to be rifled, a man to be removed--the word is passed to the Professor, the matter is organized and carried out. The agent may be caught. In that case money is found for his bail or his defence. But the central power which uses the agent is never caught--never so much as suspected.

- Sherlock Holmes, Beekeeper


Michael Molinsky may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about him, whatever he is!

– Ebenezer Scrooge, Respected Area Businessman